PantherFest and PLAYERS Edition

The weather is getting nicer and nicer and it’s spring time at OU, which is now my alma mater. Weird. But I’m still up here living the townie life, working a little bit and looking for a job. The golf season is now in full swing and I’m pumped for that. My TV is pretty much constantly tuned into the Golf Channel and especially on weeks like this during big tournaments.

The PLAYERS is going to kick off tomorrow at the Stadium Course at TPC Sawgrass. If you ask me, it’s a pretty easy course. I can shoot like 22-under on Tiger Woods Golf 2009. I guess I’m just better than the pros.

But before the PLAYERS gets into the weekend, 59 N Court will be holding a little shindig of our own. In a moment of genius, Mr. Fings came up with the idea to have a beach party in Athens. One problem. Athens is land locked by a gazillion miles before you get to the ocean. No problem. Call a sand distributor and bring in 3 tons of sand. Literally. We’re making our back parking lot into a beach. The name for the party: PantherFest. Some people have their panties in a bunch about the name so they have some dumb spanish name that means “beach party.” Not one to step on any toes and be respectful of everyone, I joined in the fun and help my lady design the shirts. Here they are.

On the back it has the theme of the party, thought up by my buddy Pete: “I got 59 problems, but a BEACH ain’t one.” Hit me.

After that fiesta is all over, I’ll plop myself in front a TV and watch the PLAYERS while the rest of OU goes on riot watch.

The biggest storyline going into this week is that T. Woods’ number one world ranking could be in jeopardy. If Phil wins (possible) and Tiger finishes outside of the top 5 (probably more possible), then the hefty lefty takes over the number one spot. This is probably Phil’s theme song this week.

Speaking of Tiger, he was a little more busy than people might have thought. 121 women. That’s a lot. Bye bye Elin.

Woods handed a four-page list of conquests to his wife while undergoing sex-addiction therapy at a Mississippi clinic, the Enquirer reported.

At the time, Woods was trying to prevent Nordegren from walking out on him—and taking their two kids and a big chunk of his fortune with her.

There are Vegas odds on when it’s going to happen. It’s not like pick ‘em: Will Tiger and Elin get divorced. It’s over/under: Will Tiger and Elin get divorced before the US Open. Seriously. I might have to get Jimmy and Rob put some money down when they head to Vegas.

I bet Tiger would love to have seen these ladies do this a couple of years back. They would have been tracked down fo sho. Make them numbers 122, 123 and 124.

Back to normal golf. As usual, the PLAYERS is being billed as golf’s 5th major, which is ridiculous. Here’s why.

-This tournament is supposed be the TOUR’s big event. That’s fine with me. It always has a great field with the majority of the top 100 players in the world and if some journalist or player comes out and says, “Oh, this tournament is pretty much the 5th major,” then I can buy into that notion. When the TOUR is the main proponent of the nickname of the 5th major, it’s stupid. You can’t give yourself your own ego boost with something like that.

For some reason, this whole “5th major” thing is getting some big play this year, thanks to the world’s #4 ranked player, Mr. Tea and Crumpets Lee Westwood.

“I think it depends on whether you’re a PGA Tour member or not,” Westwood said. “I think The Players probably used to be regarded as the fifth major, and it felt that way back in the late ’90s. But since the invention of the World Golf Championships, I think it’s actually stepped back from that.

“They have to go in now [on the list of important events] before The Players Championship. So what is it, eighth on the list now?

“It’s still a big tournament, very prestigious, you get a great field, and it’s one that everybody wants to win, including me, myself.”

The Brit tried to save his ass at the end, but the damage was done. Maybe Westy will change his mind about how good this tournament is if he wins it this week. Me thinks if he gets the W it would be his first “major” win and the PLAYERS will jump back up to number 5 on the major counter in Lee’s book.

However, that’s neither here nor there because he won’t win. Camilo will. I’ll pick him because I’m a homer.

Camilo wasn’t my first choice though. My dude AK would have been my pick, but he’s not playing this week. The bad thumb that he’s been battling is too much for him this week so he withdrew. More on AK in a second. Freddie Couples and Steve Stricker also withdrew. Stricker doesn’t bother me because I don’t really tune in to see him. Sure, he’s been playing well over the past year, but nothing he does really sticks out to me. Freddie on the other hand is a stud. A silver fox, just like my buddy Stink. I love how Freddie just strolls up and down fairways, not giving a shit and has a swing tempo I would kill for. I guess I’ll have to watch the ageless wonder in a few weeks at Colonial.

Back to Anthony Kim. In this month’s Sports Illustrated, my favorite golf writer, Alan Shipnuck, got to hang out with AK at his house in Dallas and wrote a cool feature on him. AK is pretty much Vinny Chase. He lives with two of his buddies and the third member of the entourage pretty much lives with him too. The feature was a really good read, you can find it here, and it would be awesome if he actually did get his own reality TV show like he talks about. The guy is a stud. He hangs out in a huge house with his friends, Facebook stalks chicks and has around a dozen flat screens. He’s my kind of guy. Plus, instead of buying a Lamborghini, he just threw down for a black-on-black Bentley so he could fit his crew. I need a friend like him.

A couple odds and ends to finish up the post…

-If you take a dive in soccer, you’re supposed to get a yellow card. Fair enough in my book. If you have a heart attack in the middle of the pitch, fall over and die, I don’t think you should get booked. Some ref in Croatia thinks otherwise.

-Speaking of soccer, maybe I’m just a nerd, but this video about the new ball they’re using in the World Cup is awesome.

-With the NBA Playoffs going on, it seems like the NBA would love nothing more than to see Kobe and LeBron face off. Rappers have been using their names in their lyrics for a while. Here’s 25 of the best.

-I’m so pumped I’m not a Browns fan. Who signs someone without ever seeing them? How did they find out about him? A YouTube highlight tape. I shit you not. Then again, my team is about to sign PacMan Jones. Shit.

-I first heard about some Cornhole movie a year or two ago. Finally, the trailer came out and it looks miserable. At least it’s centered in Cincinnati and Hudy Delight is a sponsor.

-This is the industry I want to go into. At least someone has the same kind of sense of humor I do. Don’t get it? Check out the first letter of each column.

That’s all for today. Enjoy your weekends and PantherFest.

Boom.